we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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