i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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