She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
