I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
