All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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