It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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