I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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