I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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