Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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