so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
