I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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