you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
