I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
