I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
