he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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