if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
