Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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