so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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