oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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