On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
