I bet he comes in French.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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