Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
