i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
