i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
