i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
