WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
