I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
