i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
