He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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