Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
