dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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