My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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