no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
