My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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