Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
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