And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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