Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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