im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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