I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am midnight drunk by noon
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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