First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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