I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
