i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
