This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to align my fucking chakras
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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