the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
