I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
too bad you live with your parents still
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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