he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize