but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
