the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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