I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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