also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
