and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
