I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
