lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
