you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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