I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Found your dick twin last night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
