Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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