It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
