Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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