and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
