my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
