I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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