Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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