As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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