3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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