smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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