I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize