There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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