dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
