I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
