haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize