i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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